“Hey Martha, you want to read this crap.” a man sits in his Longhide upholstered Lazyboy floated by the latest negative ion floating device sitting in front of a very stylish 360″ x 360″ holovision watching the local news. “Scientist now believe they found the origin of the common cold, but no cure. What good is that?”
“That is nice dear.” says a woman using the highly elite kitchen device that is advertised regularly on the holovision they acquired after his promotion at the freeze dried kale powder plant in which he was moved up to shift supervisor recently.
“These buffoons believe that we are the remnant of some ancient science project of sorts? They contend that they have been studying the archeological remains of an ancient civilization that predated the arrival of Homo Sapiens Sapiens. These morons think they had found 4 locations that the Cromags, Cromags you believe that, where they had installed these massive transmitters. The locations being in the center of the North Pole and South Pole along with two on the equator, one in the western hemisphere and the other in the Eastern hemisphere.” the man continues as he takes a break to adjust himself and settles back in his chair.
The woman goes to answer the door and the sonic plumber follows her to the kitchen.
“They think these devices as made mostly of hallow chambers in the earth as tall as those archaic skyscrapers in NYC. That the actual working parts of these machines could fit in a walnut. These walnut sized devices float above a copper pad under these hallow chambers and glow intensely.”
The holovision blares the latest report on the state of affairs on our invasion of Mars in retaliation to their blowing up the Quadripple Towers in Malaysia. The reporter is walking around the furniture and stepping over holes created from explosions that only happened moments before and flips a hand back and out of the way of a soldier who was hanging from the second floor landing on the stairs as he began to ascend past the ceiling lamp. ” These quacks think after translating the Cromags language from a Rosetta Stone with Martian, Egyptian, and Cromag they have come to find out the walnuts are Extreme Computers that contain enough information to create a whole galaxy, transmit it, mutate, replicate, analyze, and coordinate. What nonsense!”
As the reporter climbs over the corpses of a family of five blown off their Longehide upholstered Lazyboy and continues in his monotone voice punctuated with a timed series of explosive exploitations; the plumber begins to raise the woman’s skirt as she hits the button on her elite but very noisy kitchen device.
“These so called scientist after reading the Cromag’s manuals and history books believe these walnuts to be the last stage in their evolution that started with giant room sized computers, to laptops, to palm devices, brain implants, and holographic mind controlled projections or something. What nonsense!”
The reporter is thanked by the anchor and prepares for the commercial break by the Martian Quartz Energy program followed by an ad paid for by the Free Earth Party for a Senator candidate with the platform to defend us against the invisible Venutians after they set fire to the rich Diamond Realm building, the only building to be made completely of diamonds, last year during the time that California suffered from rolling black outs. You remember the ones that caused several levitating vehicles to fail all over the floating city to fall onto Golden Gate Park below. The plumber walks around the Senatorial candidate whistling as the man on the holovision smiles and winks at him before the anchor returns once more to the living room.
“They think that this knowledge was placed into robots and then clones with the basics of computing working off these tiny microscopic binary critters who work on the fluctuations of positive and negative charges. The gall of them, they say we are in fact those clones who almost lead to the destruction of the Cromag’s before they left this planet for Mars. Robots indeed, I am no robot. You got my lunch ready, I only have 5 minutes left to my 10 minute break this month!” he yells to his wife as she opens the door and follows the pool boy to the Chaise Lounge in the backyard.
Another reporter is covering the story of the papal elections after the last Pope died after forgetting his heart medication. Nobody including himself thought it might be a good idea to send someone back to his old residence to get it or send someone down to the corner drug to refill it. The election had ended up in a three way tie with all of the Pontiffs returning to their own Reich with the treasury of the Vatican to be split up amongst them with worries of the safety of the Michelangelos, Rubins, Bernini sculptures and paintings during their proposed transportation. These three will become the 43rd, 44th,45th antipopes in history. The real concern is moving these treasures through the mountains of the Andalusia to El Palmar de Troya to Pope Gregory XIX palace.
“As we have recently in modern times are able to receive phone messages and internet without the need of devices or brain implants, they believe these cavemen created a large wifi system that has been lost to time but is still active. They use this to explain all of those witches that claim they are psychic. That some how they have been the ones for centuries who still could connect into the that wifi network that linked all of us together. A giant Google in the sky? They also use it to explain Carl Jung’s Collective Consciousness theory. That in fact the common cold is the evolution from spyware and cookies that were used to track human behaviors and activities and report back to a centralized data processing plant in communication with ancient laptops. That it developed through robots, clones, and us as the germs foster and multiply in our nose as they collect data on where we have been and who we have talked to and our emotions and thoughts at the time. The common cold always baffled doctors for years they say since it does not try to kill its host but only wants to multiply and spread from person to person mutating along the way. Part of that mutation was due in fact to the data it collected. They believe the cold germ is still collecting data but they are not sure where they are being processed?” The man finishes as the reader gulps down his last bit of his Budweiser as he begins to get up to go back to the last 336 hours in his shift.
The latest reporter is reporting on the latest findings on the detonation of the Lusitania in the Pipe between Mars and its moon moving quartz and travelers on vacation. The latest moons colonized by Earth after religious Martian separatists were blamed in destroying the tractor beams that transported the quartz crystals from Mars through their recently stabilized orbits. The separatists been marginalized to the Martian Heights amidst the encroachment of Earth Colonists from Utah and Montana. Then another report goes into a special on the 100th anniversary of the Orson Welles broadcast of the War of the Worlds which ends in the destruction of the Martian army by the common cold. This is interrupted by a breaking report that a Martian army has invaded the Earth and is eradicating every human in its spot and is quickly turning off all electrical transmission of energy and communication. That it has started in the Ukraine and is moving East with amazing speed. That reports of people just dematerialize after they sneeze a steady stream of liquid that seems to be transmitted through the ionosphere into gas clouds heading towards Mars. As the man is adjusting himself one last time he sneezes and his last remains vaporize through his nose as his wife is in the last thrall of her orgasm as the pool boy splatters on her face and her remains explode and collide with his through her nose.